DIY

I wrote in August 2010 (nine years ago!) about a product called the “money-band,” which was a cutting-edge elastic fastener (OK—household rubber band) marketed for the use of replacing the traditional bi or trifold wallet. I was enamored at the time by the idea of minimalism—and I guess I still am, though that word no longer crosses my mind¹—and it was enlightening for me to see an object that so demonstrably instantiated that “Hey—there are other ways to go about this 78.5-year trek. You’ve been doing it all wrong. Wake up.”

The money-band in particular was compelling for two reasons:

1. It was almost nothing—insubstantial, a relative filament—yet it served the same function as a standard wallet, which is to hold identification and money. Wallets can be elaborate. This was not. It blared the idea of doing the same (or more, or better) with less.
2. It was an evidential case of form governing function. Being so limited, it demanded a reassessment of what it meant to be a “wallet”—boundaries, working parameters, function—and from the there, it could only take shape as a more honed tool.

To elaborate some on that second point, my original money-band held three items: a debit card, my driver’s license, and around $20 in cash. That’s all. It could have held more, but not much more, and what else did I need? If I’d be able to navigate my way through 24 hours with nothing else on me, I was set. This was how I defined its core function. And I could do that with ID and cash. Common wallet-dwellers like receipts, rewards cards, photographs, and change—even at the time, in 2010—were superfluous and have since been obsolesced by digital movements of the past decade. The modern phone holds all of those items, and more. Which means: The bare-bones wallet is even more pertinent today. It was forward-thinking. It still probably is. Constraint can often force coherency, and paring down the wallet was invaluable exercise in critical thought that I still reach back to today.

Progression

I ditched the money-band in 2012 (after my stock of four overstretched) for a pair of standard, size #64 rubber bands chained together (how-to here). $7—the then going price—was exorbitant for a set of money-bands, and I had a full box of #64s idling in my filing cabinet. The chained RBs functioned almost as well. This wallet was finicky, though, with the two bands flopping every whichaway as I unfastened it. It was also more bulky and unsightly. Streamlined it was not. I used v2.0 for about five years too long, then one day became fed up with the two-strap system and sought out a single-band replacement, akin to the money-band. I landed on Alliance Pale Crepe Gold, size #82, and it’s a delight.

officedepot.com

These bands supersede the money-band in all ways I consider important. They retain their elasticity longer, the color is agreeably neutral, and the dimensions are about perfect, for me a least. If you carry a lot more in your wallet, you may need to size up in diameter.

The other functional change I made was in the way I carry cash. I previously wrapped my ~$20 in half around my cards. This was a flawed approach because it meant that I had to futz around with the cash each time I wanted to access my debit or credit card to pay for anything. And I used my cards to pay for virtually everything. So: The cash was in the way. It was a regular obstruction.

After realizing this, I folded my cash in half, twice (i.e., in fourth) (using this paper folder, which I adore) and stored it sandwiched between my cards. It was now out of the way, but still available, and the wallet became considerably smoother to operate. Despite being ostensibly simple, there is minutiae to this thing!

Contents-wise, 2010 vs. 2019:

2010

• debit card
• driver’s license
• less than $20 in cash

2019

• credit card
• driver’s license
• library card
• ~$20 in cash

The inclusion of a library card serves as a personal subliminal reminder to continually check out books, and read. I end up seeing it almost every day, and even though this doesn’t register mindfully (viz., “I am holding my wallet which contains my library card which has eclipsed my peripheral vision…”), I could probably substantiate with data² that I have been reading more since I started carrying my library card, and specifically since I positioned it on the outside of my wallet, in sight. (To clarify: I do not need my library card to check out materials, so I didn’t always carry it on me; in the past, I relied on my driver’s license instead.)

I switched from a debit to credit card for fraud protection. It’s a lot easier to get a fraudulent charge reversed on a credit card than a debit card, which gives me peace of mind when I’m at an unfamiliar gas station or otherwise traveling. Frankly, I assume there’s a possibility my card will be stolen each time I use it. So this decision is a precaution. Paying in cash would be another precaution, but carrying lots of cash is a liability as well.

Going Up: On Credit Cards

I’ve thought about this some, and I will try not to act like I’ve figured anything out (because I haven’t; what follows is conjecture) but here’s my sense: Credit cards levy an invisible tax on consumers. You should probably avoid them. But it may be too late to do so. To expound: Credit cards bind consumers in the following way:

1. Many consumers justify making purchases with credit cards (rather than cash or debit cards) because credit cards yield rewards. (For example, the Amazon card gives 3% cash back on Amazon purchases, other cards benefit travelers, etc.) In essence, consumers believe they are getting better deals by using credit cards over the alternatives. Consumer feel good—shrewd, even—about shopping this way.
2. Merchants are met on the receiving end with interchange fees (let’s say 2% per credit card transaction).
3. Merchants, if they are smart, raise prices across the board, because of interchange fees, by at least 2%. (In other words, they place the fee [and then some] on the consumer.) Consumers loathe surcharges, and it’s confusing to convey separate prices for credit and cash. So, to keep things simple, merchants raise prices all around.
4. Consumers end up paying more (not less) by virtue of widespread credit card use. They get worse deals, even when factoring in rewards.
5. At end: Credit cards virulently inflate the costs of goods and services for all who use them—and for everyone who eschews credit cards, too.

And, it should go without saying: Credit card users also expose themselves to a basket of other fees (e.g., interest fees, penalty fees, annual fees, cash-advance fees, etc.), which again outweigh the benefits the cards provide.

Script Flipped

To play devil’s advocate and not paint credit cards in a totally cynical light: There is overhead to processing cash. A customer counting cash from their wallet and handing it to a cashier who has to make change takes time. I estimate (from standing in line with a stopwatch at supermarkets…) that such exchanges are 10–20 seconds slower than electronic ones, from start to finish. Assuming a cashier makes $15/hour, that implies an initial 4–8¢ processing fee. Later, that exchanged cash may be removed from the cash register, counted again, and transported to a bank. These actions imply further processing fees. But, still, once the money has settled, you’re probably looking at something closer to a flat processing fee than the percentage-based interchange fee. I have to wonder if it ever isn’t cheaper for a merchant to process cash.

For a high-volume merchant, though, every second matters. If electronic payments allow them to process more transactions per minute, then tolerating the interchange fees is a no-brainer. So they are fine with the levy. Convenience attracts customers. And maybe merchants don’t inflate their prices to offset interchange fees.

Answers, Out

I don’t see any obvious ways to empower yourself as a consumer besides either

1. paying with cash (even though there is rarely a discount for paying this way; it’s commendable to opt out of the system) or
2. treating credit cards strictly as cash (and not the plastic casinos they are).

My reluctant advice is to use one credit card with no annual fee that yields either no rewards (if you can find one; they’re rare) or unvaried, negligible cash back. Don’t waste your time juggling multiple cards to earn rewards under specific buying conditions. I did this for a while, and it turns out I was severely misguided: The rewards I earned over a two-plus year stretch would have been nearly the same (and as paltry) if I’d elected to use any one of my three credit cards exclusively (rather than wield them selectively, as I did). So it was a waste of time to deliberate between cards on purchases. And, because each card had annual fees or one-off spending bonuses to chase, I likely justified purchases I otherwise wouldn’t have made to reach those benchmarks. (Which means, rewards included, I spent more than I would have if paying by cash. N.B.: You do not have to overspend by much to cannibalize your rewards entirely.)

I played the game, and failed. Unsurprisingly. The banks know better. Lessons learned: It’s far more productive to improve your income and/or not spend money in the first place. And watch out for anything that appears to be free. It’s too good to be true.

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¹ My current interests lie in efficiency and plasticity, rather than the more ascetic notion of getting by with almost nothing. (These interests do still beget neuroticism about the objects I consider worth assimilating into my routines.)

² I won’t because it’s not that important and I forget exactly when I made this change to the wallet. I do keep track of what books I’ve read and when, though.

Along with writing thoughts in a personal, private, solitary manner, I speak likewise alone (i.e., yes—I talk to myself). I use a voice recorder to capture these sessions of self-conversation as a complementary practice to pen & paper journaling—the convention is not far out of left field. I rarely listen back to the recordings, but knowing that I’m being recorded wrenches higher levels of coherence out of me. I find self-talk helpful for working through whatever I’m stuck on. Most of life is an attempt to not become too fixated on any specific agenda and to place oneself in a continual state of adaptation, moving forward. Ideally we’d all have therapists, or be capable of telling anyone anything at any time without fear of annihilation, but self-guided voice recording is what’s doable for me, and I’m more honest speaking (and writing) alone than in the presence of another person.

I started recording with what I already had available—the Voice Memos app on my iPhone—rather than acquire anything new to begin. Voice Memos is a good app. Start there if you’re interested in voice recorder therapy. It’s free, and you already own it.¹ Initiating a recording with Voice Memos is quick, playback is first-rate, and the sound quality is beyond adequate for this purpose. Plus, talking through a phone is second nature for most people. There’s a sense of intimacy speaking this way, with a familiar voice box to held your head. Which is weird. But it is important to feel comfortable enough to divulge the thoughts you’re otherwise not articulating in regular conversation.

That said, I prefer to not interact with my phone when possible (stage right: goofy quasi-Luddite), so after using Voice Memos for two months and liking it (the app, the functionality it provides) but not liking grasping for my phone even more than usual, I bought a dedicated voice recorder.

It’s okay. It’s tiny (only slightly larger than a small pack of gum), so it’s easy to carry around, which is great. If I’m going for a walk or drive, I’m likely to stick it in my pocket or toss it in my bag. The form factor is significant (because if it’s bulky, it’s staying home, and I won’t use it) and the device’s most redeeming factor. Playback is painful without the touch screen which is afforded to Voice Memos, and the sound quality is weak, too. However, I’m willing to put up with those shortcomings. The big problem with this voice recorder is that it’s slow to power on after it’s been off for a while (an hour or more). It takes ~thirteen seconds to start up cold. That’s an eternity. The delay is enough to make me not want to use it. The irony: I want to want to use this thing. It should be more responsive for how narrow a device it is. It doesn’t do all that much, so what it does, it should do well. Developing positive habits is difficult—I’m trying here!—and the start time is fatally preclusive.

What I’ve done to enhance it: I tweaked the factory settings so that the voice recorder never turns off. This doesn’t mean that it’s always recording; instead, it’s put into a pseudo-standby mode—with screen off, software on—after a short period, rather than shut off entirely. None of these specifics matter much; the takeaway is that it should be fast, nearing on effortless, and automatic (like clockwork) to get yourself doing whatever it is you’d like to establish as habit. The voice recorder could be a pen and paper or library book; it’s all the same.

To make this specific voice recorder (the Sony UX560) useable:

• Settings > Common Settings > Sleep Timer > OFF
• Settings > Common Settings > Auto Power Off > OFF

There are other settings you may want to configure, but those are the critical ones. This config allows you at all times to begin recording in ~three seconds, which is a lot faster than intermittently waiting thirteen. The battery lasts for days, but I recommend habitually charging the recorder when not in use, like overnight. (A long charging cable can help.) I also recommend equipping it with a large memory card (I went for 128GB), so space is seldom an issue.

Professional dictation machines (which are what doctors and lawyers use, and are slightly different than generic voice recorders) are likely more appropriate for what I’m trying to achieve; quickly recording and listening to myself. They are also way more expensive. (I figured a $70 voice recorder was worth an initial trial over a $500+ professional device because I was unsure if this habit would last. I foresee diminishing returns beyond my entry-level recorder, which is objectively worse than Voice Memos in several ways, though I prefer having the dedicated device.)

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¹ I’m presuming that all readers have iPhones. Whatever you have, use it.

Again, picking up in the vicinity of where I left off: I own a GoRuck GR1 (21L, black). I bought it in 2014, just as it was beginning to garner the internet’s ubiquitous cult of approval as Greatest Backpack of All Time (GBOAT). I can’t tell you if it’s the best backpack ever. It’s the only notable backpack I’ve owned aside from an L.L.Bean monogrammed Deluxe Book Pack which lasted me from middle school through college. I haven’t touched a TOM BIHN or any others in the $200+ price range. I bought the GR1 and moved on from the domain. But, I will say: The GR1 seems fine to me. It doesn’t get in my way; it holds what I want, the pockets are convenient, the zippers are smooth, and it’s comfortable to wear. (I should note that I removed the supportive plastic frame sheet; I prefer it without, though I tend to carry rather little around.)

I use the bag mostly for transporting my laptop and whatever else (notepads, a water bottle, candy, snacks) when I walk a half mile to and from my local library. To get there, I must venture on roads without crosswalks or sidewalks. Which is perilous, because I am certain I will be run over one day. (I had a very near miss in 2014 when cycling down a hill [Google Street View if you want to recreate the scene, head north] and a driver rolled through at a stop sign to make a left turn at an upcoming T-junction [I was on the major roadway; I had no stop and absolute right of way]. I’m having a slo-mo PTSD-type moment thinking about it. The car was a dark silver slash gunmetal Land Rover, and the driver was a well-to-do, immaculately-coiffed professional on his cell phone wearing mirrored sunglasses. It may as well have been Death himself. I yelled a yell for the ages¹ while clamping my caliper brakes with bone-white knuckles. My back wheel began to fishtail in variable road gravel. I was within feet of colliding head-on with Death, who nonchalantly puttered off, oblivious of one incoming cyclist, (business as usual),² and also within inches of skidding out into an indeterminable trail of biomatter. I steadied the rear wheel, but it—was—close. Ever since then, I’ve been understandably OCD about making sure I’m obnoxiously visible when I’m on the road, by foot or by bike.)

Because I often carry my bag on the library walk, I figured the most sensible approach to improving my visibility in this situation would be to affix a beacon semi-permanently onto my bag. Idea #1 was to attach a strobe to the outer webbing, because I already had a bike taillight that was compatible, but a light requires charging, and turning on, and turning off, etc. It would be fussy. I need a passive system. I want to be visible without thinking about it. Then (Idea #2) I learned that GoRuck sells reflective velcro bands (which, ProTip:, can be bought elsewhere for less). These bands are probably adequate for most people, but they only provide so-so visibility. Multiple pairs might do better; I only bought a single pair and wasn’t impressed. Remember: I’m neurotic about this, being seen; I believe the road will be my end. Idea #3 was to tie neon, reflective paracord to the webbing, since this in theory should be similar to but allow for more flexibility and better coverage than the bands. I could apply as much as I’d want, where I’d want. In practice, the cord was bulky, only mildly reflective, and couldn’t be secured firmly onto the webbing.

Finally, I discovered two glorious materials:

1. Pro-Gaff tape, which is great for daytime visibility, and
2. SOLAS tape, which is great for nighttime visibility.

Both tapes are thin, durable, lightweight, and flexible, and can be cut to shape. They’re (near) perfect for this application.

Anyway, as alluded to, sorry to bore you, (drumroll, please), this is my hi-vis GR1:

The SOLAS tape is applied directly onto the webbing. It is incredibly sticky. You could attach the SOLAS to the fabric instead of the webbing, in a different pattern, if you wanted. The Pro-Gaff tape is wrapped around the webbing. It doesn’t stick directly to the webbing or fabric, but it does stick tightly to its own adhesive.

I think the bag looks hideous, but I have received compliments from middle-aged women about it and I haven’t been run over yet.

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¹“FUCKKKKKK”
²To be fair, I did not use a headlight then, which may have been able to catch this driver’s eye. (I only used a taillight.) I bought a headlight immediately afterward.

I left off touching on digital bookmarks. I read books. Actual, physical books. Not the digital ones—the old technology. I am tempted by e-readers, though, starry-eyed with notion that they’ll get me reading more—because they are novel, and somehow, someway. This is misguided bunkum, I’m aware, so I’m reluctant to adopt, but: Book-reading is a habit I’m still trying to further ingrain. (Aren’t we all?) And I do need strategies for this century. I would so rather grab my phone, for example, given the vacuumed choice, than a book¹. It’s an unfair contest. This proclivity results partially because I can use my phone with one hand, whereas a book necessitates two.² I’m all-in reading a book. Phones, because of their form factor (small!), feign as if they lend to the art of multitasking, though I don’t manage to do anything besides be completely absorbed by my phone, while I’m on my phone, all that well. I also tend to think, in terms of commitment, of books as being fussy about time and focus, like I can’t casually flip open a book for two minutes and get anything out of it. The obverse of this is that phones are immediately gratifying, and they take no effort to operate. I can glance at my phone and feel strong emotion.

Anyway: Consequently, I have to skew the odds to get myself to read. The phone is one distraction. There are others, and there’s not all that much I’ve found can be done to sway the situation besides impose temporal and spatial constraints. My strats:

1. Borrow from a library (rather than own books). Due dates are strong motivators. (N.B., This is a temporal constraint.) (Also note my deliberate use “a book” and “my phone”—possessive indicators—above.)
2. Place books in sight, in the way, within reach. (N.B., This is a spatial [and visual] constraint.)

That’s basically it.³ And it’s chiefly the due date that gets me reading when I slack. However, when I do open a book, what took me a couple of years to realize is: I often forget where I left off, especially if it was in the middle of a chapter, and this causes your writer momentary panic and Extreme Visceral Consternation to have to regain his bearings. Shortness of breath, heart palpitations, sweaty palms—the works.⁴ The thought of rereading passages—and conjuring déjà vu—is enough to dissuade me (subconsciously) from opening a book and, less obviously, from reading short of a chapter at once (i.e., casually reading in spurts). So, this had (past tense now) been a constant obstacle that precluded me from reading: fear of losing my place. And this phenomenon occurred despite using a bookmark to denote where I’d left off.

I suppose now is the time to divulge my bookmarking history and habits:

My bookmarks are scraps of paper. I enjoyed doing origami as a kid, and a relic of that is that I still find myself folding bits of paper, more often than the average person, probably, so anyway: I was wont to fold paper into rectangles, which I stuck out from the tops of books. All store-bought and school-provided bookmarks I had when I was younger functioned this way—they jutted out and sometimes had a ribbon or tassel on the end. The reason for the bookmark protruding is so that the reader can readily gauge (or flaunt) their progress, I guess. I don’t know—I never thought about why I placed my bookmarks that way (I only mimicked what I saw others doing), and after giving it a moment’s thought, I realized this mannerism is rather nonsensical. So I reassessed the notion of bookmarking, and came up with a more precise, protrusionless method of doing it.

I want to tell, immediately, by looking at the position of my bookmark

1. which page (left or right), and
2. which line

I left off on. This is able to relay that:

Placing the tape in a corner affords four horizontal orientations for the bookmark. This is my key for the tape’s positioning, in relationship to the spine:

1. Inside: right page
2. Outside: left page
3. Facing up: above line
4. Facing down: below line

I now open books knowing exactly where I left off, and I am more apt to read for a minute or two (in short sessions, in spurts).

Make Your Own

Step 1: Fold and Tear/Cut Paper to Size

ProTip: I use a Teflon paper folder to get crisp creases.

Step 2: Tape

I like Pro-Gaff tape. It’s durable, and the neon orange is grossly lurid, which makes the bookmark’s orientation easy to distinguish (plus the bookmark itself difficult to misplace).

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¹Or engage in anything else remotely productive, for that matter. The phone trumps all in a bubble.
²I will concede that it’s sometimes possible to hold a book with one hand, but often I need two. Page turns always require a second hand.
³Good lightning, a comfortable chair, and quiet help, of course, but none of those drive causality. I am as likely to sit in a cozy position and doze off.
⁴EVC is a verified medical condition. Look it up.

PHILOSOPHY: Objects should be useful, meaning that they are subjected to regular velocity and displacement. Objects that remain motionless—frozen in space—should be difficult to understand and cause the mind to move. Objects that meet neither of these criteria are deadening to the perceptual faculties, and useless, and should be hidden from sight, momentarily or otherwise.

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THE SPARK: The past winter was cold. And dark. (Like most winters…) I prefer warmth. And light. (Like most people…) Something has got to give. Birds fly south to compensate; I’ve yet to enter migratory pattern. Until then, an artificial sun will do…

The past five years I’ve used a 250W incandescent heat bulb (photographed above), rather than a space heater, to keep myself (semi-)cozy while sitting at home in the Northeast as the temperature dips through March. I was turned onto this type of bulb by Dr. Raymond Peat who writes and talks of the red spectrum of light it emits. To encapsulate its reported importance, red light is conducive for life. It facilitates energy production. An extensive compendium of studies on the therapeutic effects of red light is in active compilation. The sun gives off red light. Etc. And I tend to feel “better” when I am getting strong incandescent light exposure during the dark months, numbers 9–3. When I go without it, (e.g., when I leave home for a few days), the light feels intense when I resume treatment. So I’m pretty convinced red light does at least something, likely net-positive. And even if the pro-metabolic effect I’m perceiving is merely psychological, I’m at least verifiably kept warm (the bulb itself gets hot to touch).

In short: The 250W incandescent bulbs throw heat and good light. Win, win—these are the two yens of winter. But the average light socket cannot handle 250W, so a typical lamp or ceiling light fixture will not accommodate the bulb, and really, the most practical option to enable household usage of this bulb is an appliance most contextually appropriate for use in a barn or garage: the brooder fixture.

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amzn.to

FREEZE: Brooder fixtures come with a clamp. The clamp affixes the fixture (i.e., shield, socket, and cord) to a plane surface like a windowsill (shown above), table, or two-by-four. (The fixture is otherwise hung if not clamped.) To communicate this in the most concise way possible: The clamps suck. They afford little on-the-fly adjustability. The fixture can be rotated some through a wingnut-tightened, knurled, quasi-ball socket located opposite the clamp end, but it is finicky to set and thus frustrating to often manipulate. If I could get the lamp ever pointing vaguely in my direction without immediately drooping, I left it and was thankful.

This meant the fixture was essentially fixed (static, frozen) yet I am often moving around, and want light in different zones, nearer or farther from me, precisely aimed, etc., so it was practically (in practical terms) incongruous with how I dwell. I also wanted multiple lamps beaming during the winter (more bulbs equals more warmth), and I had no space near my desk to mount a second clamp lamp. This was a problem that demanded a solution. I needed to think.

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MOVE, MEANT: After multiple mockups and a prototype or two, I arrived at this: the fully-adjustable, easily displaceable red-light (or whatever type of light) lamp. What is so great about this design is that it longs to be moved and adjusted, unlike the clamp lamp. It welcomes interaction. The feet can be nudged to tweak the horizontal beam angle. The arm slides up and down for height adjustment. And the tilt is easily fine-tuned too. It is mobile. It is concise. It is elastic. The lamp is an embodiment of the way of life.

Two stationed around my desk keep me warm during the winter. During the summer, one ten feet away allows me to see. When the days are shorter, the light shines longer. Whenever I read, it’s on.

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PARTS LIST:

• Caps
• 3-Way
• Sling Tee (see: height adjustability)
• Union (allows the fixture to rotate 360° along an x-axis)
• Reducing Tee (or a standard tee, depending on the fixture)
• Shock Cord (for holding the fixture inside the tee) (paracord can be more suitable, depending on the model of fixture used)
• 10′ 1-1/2″ Sch. 40 PVC Pipe (JM Eagle brand from Home Depot is preferable) (bring sling tee to store to check fit before buying) (sand labels off w/ moist 220-grit sanding sponge, then clean w/ original Windex + old towel)
• Fixture (remove sticker residue w/ acetone + nylon-bristle toothbrush, then clean w/ original Windex + soft towel) (if this fixture is unavailable, any rated for 250W should suffice)
• Bulb
• Extension Cord (optional) (but recommended)

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DIMENSIONS:

• Feet: 12-1/2–13″ (feet can be disproportionate in length if light is placed parallel against wall) (photo below)
• Leg: ~5′ with 10–20° angled top
• Sling Tee to Union: 1-15/16 to 2-1/4″ exposed distance (pipe length depends on insertion depth)
• Union to Reducing Tee: 1-1/8 to 1-1/2″ exposed distance (ditto)
• Shock Cord: ~13-1/2″ (secure through holes in base of fixture w/ overhand knots, then lace through and pull around tee)

(Cut pipe w/ miter saw for precision, or by hand w/ hacksaw.)

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A note on stability:

This is essentially a tripod. The center of mass of the overhanding arm piece (which can be gauged by removing and balancing it on one finger) should drop midway between the three ground contact points of the base. Traditional tripods function the same way—center of mass equidistant from ground points—but with an equilateral foundation rather than the isosceles configuration used here.

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YOUR TURN: See what you can make from this. Build it, and try to improve upon the design. Do not fret too much over precision: Start. Cutting. Pipe. And once completed: Email me! Send me your photos and ideas!

My objectives were to (1) use as little material as possible (to keep costs, weight, and volume down) while (2) maintaining a high level of adjustability. Meeting these criteria would help make a reality my intention for the lamp to incorporate movement. I went through a few iterations before hitting on this design. The sling tee was a part I was not originally aware existed (it’s not carried at Home Depot which is where I went initially to survey for available pipe fittings), and by chance the specific brand of sling tee I’d ordered online fit perfectly with the pipe I had on hand (this is not always the case, I’ve found out; the 1-1/2″ advertised diameter can vary a millimeter or more, which makes all the difference with regard to fit).

The lamp could use an on–off switch. Currently the plug controls the power: plug into outlet (power), unplug from outlet (no power). It’s not the most elegant mechanism. A remote control outlet is one alternative. It would probably offer a huge improvement in usability. (I haven’t bought one yet to try out for whatever reasons.) A foot switch extension cord is another idea I’ve entertained cursorily. Readers are invited to investigate further.

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BONUS: Adapted for a red light device.

5:09 PM
50 degrees and sunny
(75+ degrees in front of my space heater)
Malvern, PA

Note: I started writing this article like 2 years ago and never finished it and now I’m posting whatever incomplete prose is here. Maybe I’ll complete it later. Enjoy.

Here it is… the “How to Sell Your Stuff on eBay” post. I know you’re stoked for this one… just think of the riches you’ll be swimming in after downing this article.

(Olive Garden – here I come baby…)

I’ll preface this article by saying that I’ve got a fair amount of experience selling stuff on eBay… the oldest transaction on my account is dated Aug-27-98 19:19 (which means I’ve been eBaying for almost 13 year now… damn I’m getting old) and my feedback rating is a perfect 100% from over 500 transactions.

My eBay account was actually my dad’s account at one point then I took it over after he passed, so that 1998 sale may have been his, but I do remember that the first thing I ever sold was a counterfeit royal blue Peanut the Elephant Beanie Baby.

If you were a part of you Beanie Baby craze of the 90’s, then you’d probably remember royal blue Peanut as being the Holy Grail of Beanie Babies. They were valued at like $5,000 back at their peak… pretty insane.

I was lucky enough to have an Uncle Pete that travelled to China for business… more specifically Hong Kong – aka the counterfeit capital of the world. Uncle Pete knew I was a Beanie Baby bonehead back then, so he brought back some of the pellet-filled plushies to add to my collection.

Now you have to picture me being like as stoked as humanly possible when as an 11 year old I’ve got my hands on not just 1 royal blue Peanut, but 3 of them plus other rare Beanies like a wingless Quackers that would be valued together at like $15,000… if they were real.

(I prayed so hard that they might be real… but coming from Hong Kong there was no chance.)

Anyway since we had a surplus of the Peanuts and eBay was this new thing at the time, I told my dad I wanted to try selling one. I knew it was fake, so we worded the item description to say it was a “reproduction,” which didn’t sound nearly as bad as calling it a “counterfeit” or “fake.”

We also offered free shipping because we thought that would help it sell for more. Genius.

So we threw the auction up, and I eagerly awaited some rich, crazed, Beanie Baby buffoons to have a bidding war over the fake toy. I remember it like it was yesterday…

It was such a rush seeing the auction price climb every few hours until it finally settled to a winning bid of over $200. It was just incredible… it required such little work on my part to make that much money at only 11 years old. Sweet victory, man.

Things didn’t work out so well though once the winning bidder said they lived in Nigeria and we’d have to pay like 100 dollars just to ship it there because of our “free shipping” clause.

And then I think somebody else reported us to eBay for selling a fake item. Bummer.

But it was still a great first sell because I learned a lot of the lessons!

1. How to Pick Something to Sell

This step is extremely important. You need to make sure it’s going to be worth your time to sell whatever it is you want to sell, otherwise you’re better off just throwing it out (or donating if you aren’t lazy like me).

First off, make sure you register an account on eBay. You’re then going to want to search for items similar to the one you have in mind that you want to sell. If you find a match, then awesome! You may need to play around with different search terms until you find the same item you’re planning on putting up for auction.

Now you are going to want to filter the search results to show only “completed auctions.” This will show you all the recent auctions that have sold already, so you can see what the final values were. This is a pretty good tell for how much your item will sell for in the marketplace.

My general rule of thumb is that the easier the item is to ship, the lower dollar value I’m willing to accept. If the item is a bitch to ship, then it needs to be worth more.

If you want some specific dollar values… then I usually won’t waste my time listing an item if I don’t think it will sell for at least $10, no matter how simple it is to ship. If an item takes extensive packaging, then I’m expecting it to sell for at least $50, if not $100 or more.

The reason for this is the old adage that time equals money. If I’m selling a $10 baseball card that I plop in a white envelope and throw in the mailbox, then that took me almost no time to ship. That $10 I made really only took me as long as the auction listing took to create.

However if the item you’re selling is big or fragile, you’re going to have to take considerably more time to dedicate to shipping preparation. That time gets factored into your hourly rate, so you need to keep that in mind.

It’s way more profitable to sell a baseball card for $10 than to sell a bicycle for $10 on eBay… you catch my drift?

(I don’t even know how to package a bicycle… but I’m guessing it sucks.)

Of course if you are desperate for cash, then you might choose to ignore these suggestions, but for normal people I’d say these guidelines are pretty solid. Craigslist is really your go-to marketplace for unwieldy items.

2. Take Lots of Pictures

After you’ve picked your sure-fire winner, take lots of pictures of it during a sunny day. “Sunny day” being the important keywords there… sunlight is important for capturing high quality pics with your digital camera.

You don’t even need an expensive camera… a cheapo will work fine if you take the pics in adequate lighting.

A bonus tip to snapping professional looking photos is to use a white bedsheet as the background behind/underneath your item. You don’t want the background behind your item to be your messy room or dirty floor… people WILL notice.

Make sure to get enough angles to encompass a 360 degree view of your item… when you’re selling something online, the buyer can’t touch it and pick it up themselves to inspect, so you need to do that for them.

And if you’re a real go-getter, you could even take a video of the item to complement the still pictures.

3. Describe The Condition Your Item

You can type this in Notepad or TextEdit (or write on a piece of paper if you’re old fashioned like me). Simply describe the CONDITION of the item to the prospective buyer…

… and here’s the key:

Be brutally honest.

I usually downplay the condition of my items because the buyer will not be a happy hombre if your widget has a dent or scratch and you didn’t tell them about it.

However, if the buyer receives your item and it’s in better condition then they were expecting, they will be super stoked and leave you great feedback.

I don’t care if you think you’ll make an extra couple bucks by playing up the condition of your item… it’s not worth it. It’s much better to ere on the side of caution here.

Another key is to be SPECIFIC.

Like when I used to sell Pokemon cards on eBay, here’s an example description I might use:

There are faint scratches on the holographic portion of the card which are visible only in bright light. The corner edges of the back of the card show some wear from play. The card has no bends or creases and is in perfectly acceptable condition for a player, but a collector may seek a card in more mint condition.

Notice how specific I was in grading the card… I didn’t just say it’s in “near-mint” condition. I described it in full detail, and that’s what you should do for all your items.

Act like you know what you’re talking about… pretend to be an expert on your item even if you aren’t.

Again… this goes in hand with taking a bunch of pictures: The online buyer can’t physical touch your items and inspect it for themselves, so you need to be theirs eyes and their ears.

(Pretend you’re selling to Helen Keller or something…)

4. Features of Your Item

You now want to describe the FEATURES of your item (we’ve covered the CONDITION in step 3). You should describe specific features, just like you described the condition very specifically.

Examples of features would include things like size, dimensions, weight, make or model, year it was produced, does it come with its box, color, etc… basically anything that could describe the item aside from its condition.

If you want to go the extra step, you could describe the benefits that go along with the features. For example, let’s say that you’re selling a pair of jeans. A feature would be the brand/company, so let’s say they are Levis 501s. A benefit you could mention is that chicks dig Levi 501s.

5. Package It!

At this point, you’ve basically gotten your item’s listing description completed! You can now package it up so we can give the bidders an accurate shipping estimate.

This is usually the step that throws most people off because they don’t know where to start, but thankfully it’s gotten easier over the years thanks to USPS.

USPS gives away free Priority Mail supplies, so either go to your local post office and pick up some boxes, or you can order them online. If you order online, they’ll deliver straight to your door which is pretty awesome, and you can order as many supplies as you want.

Their free boxes should house most items you’d typically sell on eBay… but you may have to get bigger boxes from a place like Staples on occasion. Or try looking in your attic or garage for old cardboard boxes you don’t need anymore.

I also recommend getting a scale so you can weigh your packages accurately. USPS does offer some flat rate Priority Mail boxes so you don’t need to weigh those, but sometimes you’ll want to use Priority Mail boxes that aren’t flat rate… and you’ll need a scale for those.

I’ve owned this scale for several years now and it does its job.

As far as packaging materials, a tape gun is indispensable. (Hah… get it?)

You might need bubble wrap if you’re shipping fragile items, but forget packaging peanuts… here’s my secret weapon:

Newspaper.

My basic strategy for packaging an item is to stick it in the smallest box it will fit in, then wrap and surround it with crumpled newspaper. You want the item to be really tight and secure… if you shake the package and you feel the item moving around, you need more newspaper!

I always plan for the worst case scenario… I assume that once I ship the package that it’ll probably be thrown half way across a mailroom and smack the concrete floor. I’ve never had a single issue with items being damaged (or lost) during shipping, so I really recommend following my methods.

(If you have bubble wrap or peanuts you could use those instead of newspaper, but I like old newspaper because you can get it for free. Old paper grocery bags work well too.)

And one advanced tip for packaging large items is that you can use the free USPS boxes to fill empty space in large boxes. Like take the USPS box and place it inside the large package to fill space, just like you would fill the space inside a smaller box with newspaper.

I’m sure USPS doesn’t intend for you to use their boxes that way, but I’ve done it in the past and they worked AWESOME. I felt so smart when I figured this method out.

To recap this section:

• Get free shipping boxes from the post office
• Use the smallest sized box that will fit your item
• Fill the empty space in the box really tightly with crumpled up newspaper or grocery bags

But don’t tape it up yet!

Wait to tape until after the auction is over so you can include a hand written note for the winner.

6. Weigh the Package

The package should be pretty much ready to be shipped at this point, so set her on the scale and see what she weighs…

If you’re shipping with a flat rate box, then you don’t need to weigh, but for all other packages here’s my tip for recording the weight:

USPS shipping rates go up in increments for every pound the package weighs. If your package is coming in around at X pounds and 13 to 15 ounces, then I’d round up to the next whole pound. Some weight will be added to the package after you include the invoice and tape up the package, so I like to play things safe and round up.

If you don’t round up and your packages ends up weighing in at the next whole pound, you will have not charged the winning bidder enough for shipping. Also, if you choose to purchase shipping online rather than the post office, you will have not purchased adequate shipping and USPS may mail the package back to you. Which would suck.

So always round up if it’s close… you might even make an extra buck from overcharging on shipping a little bit.

7. Fill Out the Item Listing

Now go to eBay and look for a link at the top to sell an item. I’ll trust you to figure this part out… go through all the fields and complete them. A few key things to take note of:

• Make sure to be very clear in your item description about your shipping methods and times.
• You may or may not want to ship internationally. I personally haven’t had any issues (aside from Peanut), but it might not be worth the hassle for you. The benefit of shipping worldwide is that you will attract more potential buyers and possibly receive a higher winning bid.
• I recommend offering a 7 day money-back guarantee (sans shipping). I think there is ample evidence showing buyers feel more confident when there is a friendly refund policy.
• If you took a lot of pictures and eBay won’t host all of them for free, you could upload them to Flickr and embed a slideshow album into your listing.
• Save your item template after you finish so that next time you have less stuff to fill out!

8. Schedule the Listing

I try to have my auctions end on Sunday evenings around 9 PM EST because on most other nights of the week I feel like people are busy. Sunday night is usually that one time where not much is going on besides huddling up for the new episode of The Simpsons (well, if you’re living in the 90’s).

eBay will let you schedule your listing (for a small fee), so you don’t have to sit around waiting until 9 PM to post your auction (unless you really want to save 10 cents, then go for it). You can either schedule a 7 day auction (Sunday to Sunday) or a 5 day auction (Tuesday to Sunday). I wouldn’t go any less or more than 5 to 7 days aside from extenuating circumstances.

9. Sit Back and Wait

After all your hard work, you deserve a cold beverage. I like room temperature water.

10. Get Paid and Ship

After the auction concludes, the winning bidder will usually know they’re supposed to pay you, but I will often send them a quick message through eBay as a reminder just incase.

Once you get the dough, print a packing receipt from PayPal and write a small thank you message to the buyer on it. Throw that in the package, seal it up with tape, then print the shipping label and bring the package to the post office.

Ta-da.