thought

Holden Caufield was right – we’re all phonies. Whether you realize it or not, you probably lie. A lot.

According to studies of self-presentation, we typically act in ways that we want ourselves to be perceived by others, and not necessarily in accordance with the reality of our being. This type of behavior helps us get what we want, and through positive reinforcement, manipulation becomes very mainstream.

For example, maybe you have an upcoming job interview, and you’ve been out of work for a while, so to improve your outward disposition you get a slick haircut, splurge on new dress clothes, practice your best behavior, and do everything else in your power to trick the interviewer into thinking you’re the man (or woman) for the job.

When I describe it this way, it seems quite underhanded. Conniving, even. But it works.

Now, your typical day-to-day manipulation is not malicious by any means. A white lie never hurt anyone, right?

But I think in the long run repeated societal-deception can have a negative effect on our psyche. There becomes a disconnect between who we are and who we present to society. I think this can cause mental distress. (“Who am I?”)

I know I often catch myself saying one thing aloud, then instantaneously thinking in my head “Why did I say that? That’s not true!”

Overall I think it’s best to be as honest as possible, both with ourselves and with others. It takes practice to break away from bad habits and expose ourselves to backlash from our peers, but I have a lot of respect for those that are truthful and able to tell it like it is.

The next time you’re put in a tight spot and feel pressured to put on a show, try not to give the standard rigmarole, and instead, spit the truth. It might just work.

I was purposely ambiguous with this tweet about a week ago, to allow my pornbots followers to interpret it as they will, but want to elaborate because I think it makes for interesting discussion.

At face value, I am generally happier the less I know about the world. I purposely avoid as much news and media as I can because I often find myself distracted and dragged down by much of what goes down on planet earth these days.

When I’m able to tune out the white noise and instead hone in on what has the most meaning to me, I feel significantly more upbeat about life.

But another and more profound way to interpet my statement is this:

The less I think about what I know, the happier I am.

So this isn’t to say I don’t enjoy knowing or learning or trying new things. I do. I’m not a complete hermit.

But what it comes down to is putting myself in favorable positions to hit the ever so sweet state of flow.

In essence, I’m looking for opportunities to be so immersed in what I’m doing, that the activity and my actions become one. There becomes a lack of conscious thought during high level tasks, and it’s quite a blissful feeling.

For example, I like to ride my bicycle. Down really steep hills. Really fast. No hands.

This isn’t exactly a simple activity… a lot could go wrong. Maybe a rogue squirrel decides to camp out in my path. Maybe a car honks and spooks me. Maybe a gnat meets its untimely demise in my eye, temporarily impeding my vision.

If anything causes me to lose balance, I could fall and suffer some serious road rash (or worse injury). So this activity does require a certain knowledge about riding 2-wheeled vehicles down a steep incline.

The thing is I can’t really be thinking about balance and coordination as gravity is pulling me down the hill. If I were to be actively gauging my speed, angle, and trajectory, I’d be more likely to crash.

It’s almost a requirement for my conscious brain to shut off in order to perform this activity. It’s an experience more than anything.

And that’s the point I’m trying to make here. When I’m able to hit that sweet spot between challenge and skill, and I’m able to stop thinking so much, that’s when I feel the best.

juanalfonsodiaz

I have a problem. I only enjoy learning on a topical level. That is to say I only find things interesting when they have some immediate relevance to my everyday life. Once the subject matter begins to unravel beyond its most fundamental threads and then reveals a whole other interworking of cogs and connections, I’m out.

I first realized this while taking inorganic chemistry with Dr. Graham. When we got to molecular orbital theory (and molecular orbital diagrams in particular, not too dissimilar from the one pictured above, but more complex) I remember intently staring at the whiteboard full of dashes and lines and arrows and greek symbols and mental anguish and then suddenly yanking my brain back out from that “Suck Kut” of higher learning to come to the momentous epiphany that…

… I was sitting in an uncomfortable desk indoors. It was nice outside. I wanted to be outside. And an understanding of molecular orbitals wasn’t going to help me in the future unless I became a chemist.

(I didn’t want to become a chemist.)

That deep knowledge of electron interactions wasn’t going to expand my reality. It was going to create a new reality. An alternate reality. One, to me, that seemed so far disjointed from how I wanted to live my life. And that’s when I realized I didn’t really care to learn anything beyond what can have a direct impact on the way I think or act.

I have appreciation for the complexity of science and other subjects, but often see a lack of application. Maybe my professors never effectively parlayed the “real world” importance of their syllabi, or perhaps I am too close-minded.

On the surface this doesn’t seem like much of an issue. I have the values of a caveman. Whatever. However it’s also important to note that most well-paying professions are highly specialized. It’s the people who spend thousands of hours studying one niche subject that usually make the most money.

This leaves me a little worried about my future. What if I never find something that sparks my interest enough that I fall head-over-heels trying to learn as much about it as I can?

It’s a scary thought.

It’s no secret that I have been somewhat dissatisfied with my educational experience in college. I just feel that the whole educational system is flawed, somewhat corrupted, and does not reflect on your true abilities or really prepare you for what is to come.

Upon entering this higher education level, you asked to almost arbitrarily choose a major. Being an 18 year old kid, it is almost impossible to know exactly what you want to do for your next 4 years, let alone the rest of your life. (Hell, I barely know what I want to do for the next few days.) I feel like very few people know (or at least think they know) exactly what they want to do. People at this age are naive and can be molded into thinking that “Yeah, I definitely want to be a scientist!” or “Accounting seems awesome, you get paid a ton,” but will later realize that the translation from study and theory to employment is not that they envisioned. It’s important to note that just because you are interested in something, it does not mean you would enjoy doing that interest for a living.

I acknowledge that you can always change your major if you find you are dissatisfied with it, or begin as “undeclared” to take a range of classes in hopes of figuring out what you like, but this honestly doesn’t alleviate the issue. I almost feel like low level courses are structured to entice you to continue with the major, but as you get deeper into the subject matter, you may realize that it not your cup of tea. By this time it is often too late to switch your major and your best option is to ride it out.

This may just be me, but I think most people never take a step back and pull themselves out their current situation to analyze the path that they are taking. At the most basic level, ask yourself: What am I doing right now? What is this preparing me for? What will this skill or knowledge be useful for in the future? Am I truly passionate about this subject? Do I really see myself doing this trade for the next 30 or 40 years of my life? Do I see myself being happy?

These are just some things that should really be considered. At no time during my 3.5 years in college has a teacher or adviser ever posed a question like that. It’s just expected that you will do what everyone else does and continue along the path they have set in front of you.

One of the most difficult things is to deviate from the road laid in front of you. I think it’s just human nature to follow in the footsteps of others. We are afraid of uncertainty. But honestly, what is the worst that could happen if you were to take a chance on something? I guarantee the absolute worst result is not all that bad.

I am not necessarily advocating that you should take the unbeaten path, but take some time to think out your current and future situations.

Anyway, besides that, I feel that the grades you “earn” in school do not reflect upon your level of knowledge or effort you put into a subject at all. Let’s face it: blatant cheating goes on, even at college. Most people do not deserve the grades they get at all.

I also don’t think tests really show how much you’ve learned either. All they prove is how well you can take a test. I can honestly say that I don’t know shit about chemistry (which is my major). I am just really good at taking tests. I would say that every other chemistry major has more general knowledge about chemistry than me, yet I perform among the best on exams.

So what does your GPA tell about you? I guess it shows how good you are at getting good grades, which again shows little about your ability to learn and retain information, or even your intelligence level. There is not much that separates someone who fails and someone who succeeds, only that the person who succeeds knows how to succeed and has a belief that they will, while that the person who consistently fails carries neither of these traits.

Alright well I’ve rambled enough. I’ll probably write a follow up to this topic later on, but if you have any thoughts just drop me a comment.